Venting on the internet doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

It really doesn't. However, I suppose I never have or could vent about the big things. It started seeming superficial to me. More of a way to satiate the needs of others rather than myself. Maybe that is why I still write in it. It is also the only way I can justify being so self centered.

Didn't I swear off my own troubles and writing about everyday drudgery? I am no good at this stuff.

Now I try to decide whether or not to erase the last line so that the whole thing is a nifty surprise on whenever it occurs. At this point in time I have no idea who knows and who doesn't. We shall see. Fun times on the internet.

Mmmm Mini Eggs...

So, I started reading a new webcomic the other day. I finished it a few hours ago. I really enjoyed it. I do not enjoy this whole finishing unfinished webcomics. It is really starting to bug me. They do seem to be opening holes in the way I used to think. I hope that I am thinking for myself and these webcomics are merely outlets to allow me think about some topics and put them into perspective. Or I could end up being a sheep. Baa. Black sheep. Just to stay interesting.

I think a name change may be in order once again. Started as Flaming Eagle Flys. Which is incorrect by the way. I noticed that at my friend Kyle's house. It really bothered me. Should be Flaming Eagle Flies. No matter though, especially since it is only my url now. Then it was Libri Arcanum. But I realized that the name didn't fit at all. Then I changed it to Libri Incendia. Which I like but it doesn't fit very well either. So I think I will need to change it once again. Soon. I will probably need to find a new picture for the top of the page. I am thinking something Japanese.

Speaking of Japanese, I have fallen back into the trap that is Japanese music. J-rock specifically. Depending on what your music preferences are you might enjoy it as well. Or it might make you bleed. I don't know. I however don't spontaneously bleed when listening to J-rock so I continue to enjoy it. The GazettE mostly. Guren by The GazettE. Various other music is good by The GazettE as well and UVERworld.

If I thought it mattered I would post lyrics. But you wouldn't be able to understand them anyways so it doesn't matter. (They are in Japanese. =)

I am officialy connected.

I got a cellphone today. Shocking it's true. It is a Sony Ericsson W580i. I like it. I figured out how to put ring tones on too. What a pain in the bum.

My number is completely confidential and you will have to ask for it. This is a precautionary so that the police don't find out where I live.

That is about the sum of this post.

Oh, I suppose I could put up a picture.

A small update on me. (I am being self centered now. Yes.)

Well, I am now NSCE qualified. Hooray for me. I went to Vernon totally not expecting to pass. I had no doubts in my mind that I would walk away from the weekend empty handed. Goes to show you what crack I have been smoking. I can now be promoted to Warrant Officer. I can now get a decent job at camp. Various other cool things will now be able to happen for me.

Enough about Cadets though. I also have another exciting thing to talk about. I got my ears pierced. Yay! I have already gotten in crap about them with Cadets! Wait, I had said enough about Cadets. Ah well, c'est la vie. I think I have some pictures, I will check.
There, my beautiful mug. There are earrings on both my ears. They are really tough to make standout in pictures. I suppose you will have to wait till you see me in person.

Jill, your drive to be annoying did point out a critical flaw in my statement. Thank you. When you commented,

What happens when this:

"...nothing they could say would drive me away. Not only am I going to stand strong on that statement, but I am going to extend it to everyone I meet."

Conflicts with this?--

"I will never again accept someone who hurts a friend of mine."

Will people who hurt others drive you away? Or will you still reach out?

I hadn't noticed that, I had an answer and I do still have an answer. However it is a difficult thing to explain. I will indeed continue to reach out. The reason I said that is because I have sat idle too often while a friend of mine has been hurt. I will not allow that to happen again. Grr, I hate admitting I was wrong to people. When I said "I will never again accept someone who hurts a friend of mine." I think it would have been closer to say I will not allow someone to hurt my friends. Now of course I can't always be there for the people I love, but I can try to be there when ever I can. I hope that answers your question.

My resolution. My revelation.

I have made a few decisions tonight. This is not easy to write or will it be easy to do. I hope this isn't easy to read either.

I am going to try and block out my own problems. All of my problems are superficial and lame. Angst and hormones control my life far too much. I feel far too often that my life sucks and that I am being punished or some such nonsense. I feel that God put me in a stress filled home that few others can relate too. My family has challenges that few other families have to deal with. This causes a lot of pressure on me. However, the way I see it is that I have been placed in a position to help others. My experiences with my family and the various other troubles in my life have given me a wonderful ability. When I say to someone that I understand what they are going through, I really mean it. Now of course I am no psychiatrist but perhaps that is what I am supposed to be or what I am supposed to work on. It is sometimes said that psychiatrists are the best at helping others because of how screwed up their own lives are. I quite thoroughly agree with that sentiment. So that is my little blurb for the evening. I am giving up on my problems and moving on to others.

Another thing that I have made my mind up on is to stop judging people. I understand that this is not an endeavor taken overnight. I need to look at other people and see living, breathing human beings who deserve my love as much as the next person. I foresee some tough times ahead in this area of my life, but I will see it to the end.

I recently told someone that nothing they could say would drive me away. Not only am I going to stand strong on that statement, but I am going to extend it to everyone I meet. My goal for the next year and forevermore is to always act kind to those who act kind to those I love. I can care less about how people act towards me, but I will never again accept someone who hurts a friend of mine.

I have written some heavy things this evening. The reason I have written these things on my blog is because I want for all you who read this to hold me accountable. This is a huge thing for me. I am very judgmental. I have a tough time with my weak problems. I am not good at staying kind to those who try to hurt me. The entire time I have been writing this post I have been wondering if I should actually post it. In posting this message I am taking on a huge responsibility. Even now I am hesitant to put this up.

This is my revelation, my breaking from the mold.

A Rose From Me To You

I suppose I am hopeless. I was doing school and ended up on Wikipedia. Go figure.
The symbolism behind roses has always fascinated me. It is something that people put far too little stock into. Red roses for example, symbolize deepest love and respect. However you will see couples throwing them at each other. I would never give someone a red rose unless I was absolutely certain I was either going to marry them or I did indeed love them that much. That last sentence is a bit ambiguous but that is because it is possible to fall in love with someone you cannot be with. Tragedy truly is the cornerstone of literature.
Anyways back on track here is the list of roses;

• Red: love, used to say "I love you," but also stands for courage and respect.
• Red & White Together or White Roses with Red Edges signify unity and togetherness.
• Pink: symbolizes grace, sophistication and elegance. Also symbolizes gentle feelings of love and friendship.
• Dark Pink: Gratefulness and appreciation.
• Light Pink: Admiration, sympathy
• White: Innocence, purity, secrecy, friendship, reverence and humility.
• Yellow: Often akin to joy and deep friendship or platonic love. In German speaking countries, however, they can mean jealousy and infidelity.
• Yellow with red tips: Friendship, falling in love
• Orange or Coral symbolizes enthusiasm and desire
• Burgundy: Beauty
• Blue: Mystery
• Green: Calm
• Black: used to signify death (black being the color of death) often of old habits. In a positive light it signifies rebirth after death. Also, slavish devotion (as a true black rose is impossible to produce).
• Purple: protection (paternal/maternal love)

If you are curious, which I hope you are reading this and all. My favorite colour of rose is blue. The unattainability of it. I hope your curiosity is sated now.

PS I think I like writing less about my day to day life. More about the interesting thoughts. If you want to know about day to day I suppose you will have to ask me. Mwaha.

Spiders on Drugs

I thought I was going to learn something educational about spiders. Link. This video is arachnophobic unfriendly.

Going out with Cadets to freeze my bum off this weekend. Hooray...

Have a weekend all.

Like a sack of bricks.

Went out to lunch with Josh today. Was good. Talked about some stuff. If you are really curious I'm sure you could ask either of us.

Anyways, I know this seems shallow or whatever it may seem to be. I actually am quite sad that I have no one to spend Valentines Day with. I never really understood Valentines Day, I still don't really. However I am still saddened by my bachelorhood. Imagine that.

I think it is funny how some days I sit in front of the computer screen and wish I had something provocative to write about. I don't make the effort to go find something to write about. I suppose I am just lazy.

Well, I guess I should get off now. I leave you with this picture. By the way do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a literal picture of a sack of bricks these days?

I don't think anything I write for a while will trump my last post.

But here is for trying.

I Wish You Were Here - Incubus

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn
across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy
Happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were... here

I lay my head onto the sand
The sky resembles a back-lit canopy with holes punched in it
I'm counting UFO's, I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy
Happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were... here
Wish you were here

The world's a rollercoaster
And I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care
But my hands are busy in the air
Sayin

I wish you were here
I wish you were...
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were... here
Wish you were here

I should take drawing and singing lessons. Those are the two things that I really wish I could do well. At least I'm funny.

Perspective shifts gradually over time. Imagine that.

If you had asked me my thoughts on trans-gender a month ago I probably would have gotten embarrassed or made some uncouth joke about the subject. Now I'm not so sure what I would do. I am thinking about how I am more accepting of homosexual attitudes now but what about people who believe that they can right the wrong that they perceive. I think it is about time that I personally set aside a prejudice that I have carried for a long time. Despite the fact that I cannot speak for everyone, I am certain that at least one person who ever reads this post will struggle with this dilemma. For that exact reason am I writing this. Hopefully what I am putting here will help someone down the road. I truly enjoy helping people. It isn't my place to say who but I recently found out that someone who I deeply respect is homosexual. It changes nothing and I am damn proud to say it.

I found a quote that really sums up the worlds views and it made me ponder my own thoughts. I am really glad I found this. People need to think about things like this.

' If I tell them I want to be a doctor when I grow, they'd say:"That's great! A girl can be a doctor in this modern day and age!"
If I tell them I want to be a race car driver when I grow up, they'd say: "That's great! A girl can be a race car driver in this modern day and age!"
If I tell them I want to be a man when I grow up, they'll say I'm sick. They'll laugh at me and call me a freak. Even in this modern day and age, it seems I'm not free to be who and what I want to be. '
-Misfile
If you are interested in putting this into context, merely read Misfile. The link is there.

I understand if you disagree with me. However I am saying that doesn't everyone have the right to be who they want to be?

How do you define love?

MISFILE!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Ow my brain.

This should keep a certain someone off my back for a little while.

I watched Edward Scissorhands on sunday. I was blown away. If you haven't seen it... kill yourself. Or go see it right this very instant. No seriously, get out of the computer chair and go rent that movie.

For those of you who have seen it and are still reading.
I <3 Misfile.
Actually I recommend all of those webcomics. I read them anyways.

Going over to Kyle's tonight.

Started homeschool. It's good.

Eating time!